So we set out to trust our lives to God 7 months ago. I feel like an addict withdrawing from the needle. I can't believe how central money and security have been. I keep trying to get another fix. As I withdraw, there is a struggle, a battleground. I remember a line that God is "the still, small voice." The word that leaps out is "still". Hmm I need some of that!
The most still place I can imagine is the beach, so I take my daughter and we go to a nearby cove for a swim. When we get there, I stand in the water, looking at the exquisite colorful seagrass just under the water. I notice something sparkling like a diamond. Thinking it must be a lost piece of jewellery, I grasp for it, but as I plunge my hand into the water it disappears. Confused, I look again, there it is! I go again, gone! What's happening? Then I look around and notice several similar shiny things. One is closer to the surface, on closer examination I see that it is .... a tiny fish scale glimmering in the sunlight, something I would describe as "worthless".
I put such a high value on a diamond and a low value on sparkly fish scales that light up and draw attention to the seagrass. I am struck by my own propensity to devalue things of beauty because they are of no monetary value.
The still small voice says as clear as day, "when you try to grab glittery things they disappear just when you think you have them in your grasp".
In my opinion no person can definitively say "God told me..."
I do claim that this is an experience of hearing God, and this is why;
The first clue is that the voice is still and small, yet clear and resonating.
The second clue is it brings both truth and freedom - it is confronting and liberating, brutally honest and hopeful, tough to hear and comforting.
The third clue is that it is wise beyond my capacity.
The final clue is that when I share it with someone, it takes their breath away; it brings love and a blessing to me and to the person I share it with.
God is not to be proven, tested or theorised - these are all things you do to something that's dead. God is to be heard, seen, experienced, listened to, spoken of, loved.
How do we love God? Perhaps in part by hearing the still, small voice and acknowleding that it exists.
Really a great post.I liked it and i will share it with others too.
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Thanks Jacob, i really appreciate your comment. Cheers, Liz
DeleteLove your reflections Liz. As someone on a pension who had no option but to learn long ago to let go of all anxiety around money and learn how little I really could live on, I am fascinated watching your journey with this. All my life I've been more interested in real contact than in money. Funny enough, I've always felt inferior to you around that because of your corporate status and relative income, as well some of the high-level things you've achieved corporately. I've had relatively few years in my life where I worked at something that was more stressful than it was real, genuine and connected. I have had no corporate success and not a lot that's recognised at all. I've been on a pension for the last five-and-a-half years. And yet I've had so many moments over the years of chronic fatigue of *knowing* how deeply rich I am in everything that matters, despite being poorer than I have been since I was a student. If karma governs what you come back as then I reckon I must have been Ghandi in a previous life. :-)
ReplyDeleteI'm cheering on the sidelines as you journey. Blessings with it.
Thanks Anne for your great insights and encouragement. X Liz
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